This is based in my real life or in Da, but, in both ways, it’s important, and mostly, that you, my watchers, have to know this truth. And here’s the proof why.
I was born on July 6 in 2001. Yes, you read correctly, I wasn’t born at 199…something or another. That implies my age. I don’t have, and never had, the necessary. I had almost 8 when I started my Da account as Tweetysweet, and held 4 years spending my time and love on it, on my passion, of course. So, they day I’m uploading this is going to be near my b-day and, that means, I’ll be 13. People thought I had 14 or 15? No, I was younger than that, way younger the first draw I uploaded. And, with that in mind, I’ll start my story, story that you have to know about.
So, as I said, I was born July 6 of 2001, and entered school, as all kindergarten kids, at the age of 5, ‘cause where I live, we have pre-kindergarten, already having a few social problems. My classmates, the girls I was with in my class, would disturb or bother me with no reason. Now that I grew up and I know now the reason, I can’t treat them as bad girls anymore, but I can’t blame myself either. But, back then, I couldn’t clean my name. I tried and spend the whole 7 YEARS until 6th grade to try and be nice and have at least some friends, but people would turn away or say “no” to my friend request. And, well, as expected, people kept bothering me, no matter how many, MANY times I looked refuge on my teachers and psychologists. Mainly, I thought I was done for: I thought for myself that I would be “forever alone” at the time, and started to close myself from the rest of the world, in a “bubble”. But there was still a way to communicate myself with people, and those were my draws. Normally, adults, and mostly teachers and, sometimes, my classmates, approved of my draws many times, but I had a reason to draw: I wanted to forget the pain of being bothered, tried to close more and more in my “bubble”, so no one could actually get in and approach to me in any way, and I didn’t break out of it until now, 7th grade.
The reason I never went outside my “bubble” was simple. I didn’t fight my problem anymore; I thought it was useless to fight it any further. I didn’t have the enough strength that I have now, and I really regret my choices back then.
When 6th grade came, the problem I had grew smaller, but, it was still there. I’m going to be honest, I thought TWICE the idea of suicide, but never did it. People, mostly family, would either stop me from thinking it or, things that they would make to make me happy lend me to forget that. And, even the girls who bothered me started saying thing like “NO, Why WOULD YOU!?” or “PLEASE, DON’T!” And, those comments changed my mind completely. I was way sensible to people’s feeling when they mean it, somehow.
Those…comments, to say it like that, made a great impact inside me, but, it didn’t take the “bubble” out, barely made a scratch. It was permanent, or…so I thought it would be. I kept going to psychologists, until my mom founded a psychiatrist, and that psychiatrist recommended us a psychologist, that is now the one I go to.
Oh, try to remember that psychiatrist. It’s going to be important.
So, I started going to the psychologist I was recommended to go. Her name was Constance, and she helped me get out of my bubble, she helped me get away from the problem, and told me things about social life, things that I ignored until then. I had to make some friends, after all, and I needed tips or I had to know certain things. All those years I was away from people, and, now that the “bubble” popped, I had to get a little closer.
A few days, or months, I don’t remember exactly, I “met” this girl in my class. She’s one year younger that all of us, but she’s way intelligent than anyone. She came to me, and I heard her out. We became friends after that, we had similar liked, and we also could help each other, though I mostly help her out most of the time, but, either way, we wanted to be friends. I still remember a chat we had between ourselves; she told me something that really changed my life. It was something like this:
-Say—I asked—why’d you came that day towards me?
-You know what?—she answered—I actually wanted to be friends with you before, but I was too scared that you’d do me something, knowing that you got bothered the same way I was..
-Wait…you wanted to be…my friend before?
-Yup. I guess I made the right choice, huh?
When I heard that, I was shocked. People respected me enough to be friends with me before, but I got to “inside my bubble”, that I didn’t realize it. I never left the door half open, it was closed shut. I then realized, a few years later, that I had this way to “look” people; I looked at them like possible bullies or people who just wanted to bother me. I’m working to take that way to “look” away from me, and I’m doing it thanks to everyone, either here, or in real life.
After that year, my favorite cousin showed me a page called “Deviantart”. I got sooooo into it; I just had to show people what I was capable of doing. But, I wasn’t old enough, so my cousin used a false year. So, my age in Da isn’t my real one. I got into Da quickly, I uploaded “scraps”, that I thought were art, looked at things I liked, etc. So, I worked hard to make the technique I had to draw better. People started to look at me by my “cool-looking-advanced-for-age” draws, and I started liking the optimism they were giving me. I kept uploading ‘til my mom figured out. Then, I had to look and check Da hidden, and I had to do it for a year and half. A problem with my classmates came out quick, and my parents took control of it. It was about Facebook, and, this time, they bullied me because I didn’t have a FB account. My parents, after talking with the psychiatrist, asked me if I wanted a FB account, with them behind me to know what I did. I agreed, and my mom helped me do it. So, I had no problem to check Da in her eyes, in front of her, ‘cause she knew what I was doing…or, part of it. She couldn’t know more than me uploading more scraps to my account.
I met then this girl in Da, who started watching me, one of my first watchers. She was doing favorite and commenting my recent draws, and we ended up being friends. Her name’s Andie, yup, it’s Princess-Of-Freedom!
I started talking to her much more than I did with anyone I knew in real life, and those conversations cheered me up. I had fun and was happy to know someone, out in the world, was cheering me up, I had someone to trust on, even in the other side of the computer. Made me feel cool and fine, nothing was wrong then.
I had another problem after the bullying one. Anytime someone would do me something, a bad memory would pop and wouldn’t stop bothering me. It was involuntary, so I couldn’t take control of it. I had to live with them, without knowing what I could do against them.
That same year, I met TomFA, or Thomas, as I know him in real life. He and I had a strong friendship, and ended up more than that. Can’t say it, but I’m sure (somehow without me knowing if I said it or not…) I said it once or indirectly.
When I had another problem, when I had a depression attack all of the sudden, my mom hook me into the conversation, and mentioned about all my life, ‘cause I didn’t notice it, really, back then. Da…my “friends”…Trini and Thomas… all. If it wasn’t because of that, I probably wouldn’t be writing all of this, since I tried suicide twice. I’m sure that, if nothing went right after that, probably would’ve done something stupid like suicide. I realized how good life can actually be and all, and I cried a lot that night. And, since then to know, I’ve been able to do things more calmed and see things in their good side, and left behind the pessimism I had. And, I also made myself a goal: make sure that the people close to me don’t have the same problems as I did.
That’s my dream and most important goal. Being known by leaving a step that people can follow, and make it so that we can live nice and happy, knowing the good stuff. No one deserves to be bullied or being treated bad, and make it so that people ruin others’ life. And…who knows? Maybe you guys are aiming for similar things like me.
And that’s why I’m still here in DeviantArt. Because I know that, somewhere, people can help in other places of the world. Besides, one of my goals is to be known with what I do and who I am. That’s the 2nd most important, but still, is one of my dreams. I’m not aiming for a 50 or 90%. I’m aiming for 100% in everything, and that’s what I like. Tough challenges.
But…enough about me. That’s my story. So, what about yours?